Month: November 2015

In the Name of Love!

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I knew, one day I had to walk away. I knew there was no other choice if I wanted to live with some dignity and self respect. I had to think and act before I was crushed down and treated as just another object.

I am Samantha. A young, chirpy and out going girl. I was a restless soul they said. I had a big problem with my big mouth. I could turn sarcastic in the moment and also become sensitive in the very next. My friends said that, I didn’t just feel from the heart but even thought from the heart. I always thought they were exaggerating, but slowly I’ve realized what they mean.

Well, without beating around the bush, let me tell you, what thoughts were storming in my heart and mind. I was tearing away and letting each memory and thought of Justin fall from my mind and heart. I had to. I had no other choice. Thrice I had given him chances. Innumerable times I pleaded and requested him. Uncountable tears I had shed for him. Many a sleepless nights I had had. And then finally, one day, you just feel that Enough is enough!

And today it was for me. The day when enough was beyond my capacity of tolerance. I was married to Justin, four years back. Ours was not a real love story, but we did have feelings for each other. We were married off, three months after we started dating. It was somewhat a family setup.

Justin was tall, at 6 feet, while I was 5 feet and 10 inches. Justin was a fair skinned, well bodied man. He was every girl’s dream come true. He was lanky, and very handsome. I was a pretty woman in my own simple ways. With a God gifted body, which required not much effort from me, and a fair and clear skin, I was confident of my good looks but never counted myself as a beauty.

When we got married, Justin surprised me when asked me to resign from my job. I was working as an assistant to the editor of a fashion magazine. I was slowly and steadily rising up the ladder there. When I declined to do so, he started getting moody and hysterical. The reason to leave the job, that he cited to me was that he was not comfortable about me working under a male boss. That sounded more ridiculous than the demand to quit the job.

He wouldn’t speak properly to me, all the love that he seemed to shower on me, was suddenly non existent.

I succumbed to his pressure and resigned. It was very painful as it was my first job and I had been there for the last 6 years. And then the things got better at home. Justin was again like before. And love again blossomed between us.

As a few months went by, I used to get all lonely, sitting alone at home. And so I insisted on planning s family. Justin wasn’t ready for that. He said, We have the whole life to think about a baby, Honey! Let us live our life peacefully and enjoy the times we have.

Eager to start a family, I stopped my pills. Justin started getting more busier in his work. He would come home late, or was too occupied always. He was easily angered and hated when I asked him simple questions. My needs were fulfilled, of each kind, but I missed Justin, the Justin who would talk to me about his work, the Justin who shared his problem with me. My Justin seemed to have gone away. In his place, in the same body was another man, who was strange and ill tempered. Matters turned bad, and he became abusive. The first hit was when he slapped me when I refused to drink with him. And then it kept on happening.

He hit me whenever he was drunk or had faced some hard times at work. He always apologized and regretted it, and it wouldn’t reoccur for another week or so. I loved him dearly and wanted to help him. I was willing to do everything for him. But whatever I did, he always misconstrued it. He had his own strange thoughts. I was slowly breaking from within. I was all lost. I was all lonely.

And then, when I couldn’t take it longer, I told him to divorce me. He was taken aback. He cried and pleaded. He promised me so many things, he promised to become a better man and husband. He promised many things. My love for him shook my resolve and I decided to give him another chance.

(*to be continued)

S.F.R.

Moon, my friend!

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I sat watching the moon, telling him about my troubles. I told him about the time when I dropped the milk on my dress and was afraid to tell Mom. I told him how when I was taking my seat in the school bus, Tommy, the bully, deliberately stretched his leg to make me stumble. And when I did, all the children laughed at me. I told him how embarrassed I felt.

I told, my shiny little friend, about the class, when the teacher scolded me for something which I hadn’t done. It so happened that when I was carrying my lunch tray to the counter tray, he pushed me from behind. All the things went scattering about. My chest and chin struck the floor and I felt a terrible pain in the jaw. But my teacher didn’t scold him, she said I had been careless and intentionally dropped it.

I told him about the time after school, when the bus was dropping us all at our homes. I never knew why Uncle Phil always dropped me the last. He always would hand me a bar of chocolate and talk with me. He would tell me stories while he drove around and dropped them one by one at home. My teacher Miss Jane always said we shouldn’t talk to strangers. She told us not to let anyone touch us in the places where we don’t like.

But Uncle Phil was not a stranger, he was very very nice to me. Once, during those days when he used to drop me home early, he left me near my house and told me to enter the house quickly. When I walked to the door and turned the knob, I found it locked. Uncle Phil said, Wait for mom sweetie. She must be around the corner. I have to drop all of them and it is already very late.

I was scared but I nodded my head and sat near the doorstep. I saw him drive away the bus speedily. I sat fumbling with my things and the grass. Suddenly, I saw a young and good looking man pass by. I looked at him, he seemed so nice and decent. He looked at me and smiled. I smiled back. He had walked away. I got back to pulling the grass.

Hey pretty girl! I heard a voice. He was standing there. He asked me to come to him. I started walking towards him. He held my hand and caressed it in a very strange manner. Suddenly I felt uncomfortable and scared. Just then, I saw my school bus returning. Uncle Phil stopped the bus near me. The door opened and he said firmly, Amanda, get in!

I was extremely happy to see him again and I rushed in. Then he asked me if I knew that man. When I said no, he said I shouldn’t talk to strangers or even get near them. He told mother about it. She told him, she couldn’t come earlier home and so, Uncle Phil always dropped me last. He was like Grandpa. Always caring and adorable. Always concerned and loving towards all of us.

I told the moon about him everyday. I told him how I went down to dinner and saw my parents fight. They had nothing to tell me or to listen from me, but they had time to get nasty at each other. They had time to argue after they sent me back to the room. They had time to go out for official dinners but couldn’t have a peaceful dinner with me. Mom and Dad were busy in mailing, chatting or planning for the week ahead, but they had not a moment to spend with me while they were home at weekends.

I had all these stories to tell him. I was always nervous and scared when Mom or Dad were around. But with moon shining high I always felt so comfortable. I had no friends, I didn’t want them. They had so many stories about how they spent their weekend, their evenings, their holidays, their shopping time, their dinner time and so on. While I had nothing to tell them!

Sometimes, I told my dear friend moon, to call me to him. Maybe if I was up there like one of those stars, I would feel closer to my friend. And maybe some girl, some other Amanda may need me to hear to her stories. I wished that God would make it possible. I prayed to God to make me a star when I would return to heaven, so that I would never feel so lonely as I felt now, in my home, with my parents. Parents who brought me into existence but did not seem to need or love me. My dear friend Moon was always there to listen to my stories and then bid me Good night.

With tears in eyes and prayers on lips, slowly I would drift to slumber.

S.F.R.

Janie and Me!

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Seeing her so innocently sleep, with her little and empty head – well that was my belief – I smiled. She was the naughtiest soul that existed around me. Her knee length boots and her skirt, her long hair and the color of the tee she wore under that black leather jacket, except for these everyday items, there was nothing that proved that she was a female. A brat stuck in a girl’s body, I joked, and then she would nearly choke me to death.

We were in the same class, and she always fell asleep in the Mathematics class. She could never control her desire to sleep which rose as soon as she saw Mr. Briar. He was our Mathematics teacher. And I agreed with Janie that he was to be charged for killing our interest in that subject. So, I was always left with the task of understanding what he taught and then, go home and help J with it, at her own wish and convenience. It wasn’t in her capacity to learn Mathematics just like that. She would say that! So she needed an atmosphere for that, she complained when I tried to help her anytime. Man, what excuses!

While I would pack up my bag and hers, the whole class would get empty. I always strolled to her place and nudged her out of sleep. But today, there was something else on my mind. And I let the class become deserted. I slowly walked to her place and was seeing her asleep, with her black hair, covering the dusky brown skin of her cheek. Her head was on top of her left hand which rested on her right hand. How peaceful she looked! An angel!

And then the devil in me, arose. I slowly brushed her hair, off her cheek and placed them behind her ear. And then I opened my bag slowly and silently. I slowly took it out. It was ready. It was awaiting its use. I slowly got up, and very silently, moved a step far. I aimed it properly. It was perfectly positioned. I took a deep breath and then I called out, J! Hey J! Wake up! Time to go!
She slowly opened her eyes and blinked. Slowly she raised her head. And then I triggered it. A strong and at point blank, a spray of water gushed at her, through the water gun that I was holding. Her eyes grew larger and even before her hands could help her in anyway, all the water of the gun had hit target!

Her face and the hair around it were drenched. Her mouth opened and she could just gasp loudly. As soon as I had emptied it, I gave out a loud cry of joy! She tried to get up with a jerk, I had just few seconds to run. Sullivan! You stupid jerk! Damn you idiot! She continued but I couldn’t hear her as I was running as fast as I could. I knew she would be mouthing words which would have to be beeped if we were to film it! I ran into a few guys and girls on the way!

Seeing me run and laughing helplessly, they had only questions!
What did you do now Sullivan?
Ohh dear God, Sullivan, you again in trouble now?
Sullivan,what have you done that you running for your life?
And then I would be warned, Man! Sullivan, you in deep trouble buddy.
Oh Sullivan, when will you grow up!
Janie is going to get you! Janie is gonna kill you for this! Janie is looking for you!

That escaping, that running for life, that joy of making her mad, this was what our relationship was all about. Me and Janie.

I knew she would be mad at me. The safest place to meet her without facing or fearing her angst was her home. The brat was the most disciplined at her house. So, I went to her house. She was all grumpy when she saw me.
Oh you! She muttered when she saw me at the door of her room.
Whom did you expect? Benedict Cumberbatch? Tom Cruise? Or Hugh Jackman? All were her favorites.
Youuuuuu!!!! I saw her lips move but no words could be heard.

She was extremely mad at me. I knew what was the best way to justify my coming. Mathematics! I took out my book and gave it to her. I thought to do this with you. Today Mr MM started a new topic.
MM was our acronym for Mathematics Murderer.

Suddenly her face softened. Oh! Thanks! She said and took the book. She searched her bag for her notebook and started copying the work.
I gently laid on her bed. She was at her study table. Take your time. I am in no hurry, I said.
Hmmm!! She said and scribbled it all. Once in a while she asked me about the calculations and then went ahead.

Here done! She said and threw the book at me.
Wooooah! That is no way to thank your best friend. I scolded her.
Best friend!?? Nonsense!! You are no friend. She said getting angrier.
Cmon J, I am your bessssssst friend, I said stressing longer on the S!
You? A friend? Sullivan, honey, you are the Beassssssst! She retorted in the same way and stressed on the S here!

And then she lifted a pillow on the couch and start hitting me with it. I ducked and covered myself with hands. This was her area, and her skill. No one could win a pillow fight with J! I screamed and shouted, Hey J, I am getting hurt!

She laughed hysterically.
Don’t laugh like that! You sound like a vampire, out to suck my blood! I said trying to protect my nose and eyes from her attacks.
She kept hitting me till her arms could. The hits were nothing, but the laughter and the moments we created were so special.

When she was all tired, she slowly, looked at me and said, You are a beast Sullivan.
No, I am not the beast! And you are not beauty! I replied.

Eeeeeeeeekkkkk! I would never be the beauty! But you are surely the Beast! Wait for your beauty to come and break the devilish curse on you! She said beamingly.

Shut up! No way that I am going to leave you! You, Vampire!! I got back at her.

We laughed and pushed. We fought and cried. We pulled and snapped. We did everything that best friends would do. Our relationship was of love.
Not the Beauty and the Beast kind of love, but the love of siblings. A love of two friends who were not willing to end our beautiful friendship. We knew people would think of us as a couple and that is exactly what neither I nor she wanted. Our world was amazing with the pure and innocent love we shared!

I was her Beast and she was my Vampire!

S.F.R.

I am….

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The Universe is an amazing place. The Sun is so happy being the center of all the planets around him. He is a flirtatious and charming one among all of us. The others, the stars are so far from all of us, that they miss out hanging and partying with us.

There is Miss Mercury, the one closest to Sun. Physically close but they both are so Hot that nothing can spring between them. Mercury loves garnering all the attention to herself, but all stay away as she is too close the Sun.

Then comes Madam Venus. Since she came to know that she was named after a Greek Goddess, she has started behaving like one. She doesn’t even speak properly to us. I am regarded as the weakest amongst all. Sadly.

Then comes Earth. My dearest friend. She is so calm and confident. She has humans living on her who give her all sorts of pain. But she is never begrudging towards them. She is like a sibling for me. I love being always with her. She keeps me along her, by her side, wherever and whenever she finds me.

I will introduce the remaining members of my family later then, because I want to tell you about me. My self and my ways of life.

I am always with Madame Earth, so I have got to be Mademoiselle Moonlight. I am allowed to move about by my handsome ally, my partner, Monsier Moon. He is such a darling, trust me. His existence is my soul, he creates me, helps me to regrow and regenerate myself.

Looking down on the people of the earth, I get to see thousands of people looking at me. Somewhere I see a mother, telling her son, that Monsier Moon was his uncle and I was his aunt. Telling him stories and singing songs about how the uncle keeps shining and spreading me around.

Then I see, so many, holding me witness to their lovers and winning many hearts. I see boys and men wooing the young girls and women, singing songs on us and them. I find it really funny, when they compare themselves to me and my lover. It is such a big joke.

They forget that they are humans, they have been blessed with hearts and minds.

I find humans to be God’s most confused creation. They value things which are far from them and not which are close by. Like, they will talk about me and the moon, while they should be talking about themselves. They should be taking their worries with a pinch of patience. Like this one, I am so far away, yet he keeps asking me to bear witness of his love.

The funniest for me is when a poor lover compares his beautiful bride or muse to me. His love might be the most beautiful and nothing could beat her out. Yet, unless he compares both me and her, this issue wont end. They find her face and her sparkling eyes in the shining of the moon. They find the face of their love as cool and soothing as my coolness around my lover.

I have seen couples hold hand in hand and walk along the beach. I have seen and heard the boy talk to me about the girl he loves. He makes her weak in her knees by being poetic in praising her and her beauty.

I have seen a mother, comfort her crying child by spinning stories about me and Monsier Moon. I have seen her show it to us while it eats a small meal or feeds on its bottle.

I have seen a heartbroken lover, cry endless nights. I have seen him look at me and feel sad when the memories of her come rushing into his mind. I have seen him stare at me and shed a tear or two, missing the lost love. I have seen him walk broodingly, kicking cans and empty bottles along the way.

I have seen every mood of love, and every tear of separation. I have seen every joy and every sorrow of a mother, a lover and a human. I have shared those moments with them. I stand witness to their agonies. I stand as a spectator, watching them rejoice.

I am the dancing moonlight, whom you see waltzing around the moon. I am the white silvery being that illuminates the sky, when I hug and dance around the moon. I am the quiet whisperer and a humble audience to every pain. I am the moon’s lover, striving on my own, to win his love forever.

S.F.R.

My Queen!

The walk through the garden was always boring for me. Unless I had her around. She could make the most boring assignments look so much fun. Was it her magic or was it the way I saw her? Her presence was such a blessing to me. Yet, riding on the horse all alone, I was occupied by these thoughts of my love.

Decked up in the armour was dreadful in this heat. I hated being in this metallic armour, but being the Duke of Spenderville, I was expected in the best of armour when the town had some festival. I wanted to invite Amelia to the festivities of the region, but she was called upon by her best friend, Agatha. If she had been around, I would have enjoyed the time so much.

Somehow, I had managed to trot away from the rest of the returning tirade. I was missing her more than I had thought. It was extremely hot, there was a stream which I knew. This place was my home, I knew the forests and the lanes and streets like the back of my hand. I slowly made the horse move in the direction. I could see the sparkling water of the stream flow quietly. The water flowing as though giggling, on seeing me there.

What a beauty! Amelia would have loved seeing this! Nothing was complete without her name or thought in my mind. She had bewitched me. I got down the horse and pulled it along to have some water. Caressing Bonnie, I walked along with her to the bank. She stood there drinking water and I splashed my face with the fresh and cool water. It was so cool, Amelia, she would love to play with the water and feel the on her beautiful face.

Amelia. My Amelia. My beautiful Amelia. My love Amelia.

I didn’t realize that while I was in my thoughts, Bonnie had moved away. I looked around and there was no trace of her. I was surprised. She would never move away like that. I called out to her. Oh dear! What now! I didn’t want to lose her here out in the forest. She was my best trained mare. Amelia loved her too. Again, Amelia! Good God, that woman was never out of my mind.

As I looked around. Suddenly I heard someone ahead of me caressing a horse. A woman dressed in a beautiful pink long gown with frills and lace was seated on it. I could only see the back. It had to be Bonnie. Fearing that I might drive the rider away,I tiptoed towards them. I walked slowly and silently. I walked closer. Something snapped and the rider pulled Bonnie’s rein. She neighed and jumped into action. They galloped off in the front direction. I ran behind them, but both the females seemed to have had a pact. I was left breathless and empty handed.

I turned back. I had to return to the chateau alone. I would have to walk back now, I thought. I kept walking, tired and annoyed. I couldn’t believe, I had been robbed off my own mare. What was happening to the people! Lost in thoughts I kept walking and walking.

Just then, they passed by me. And then they stopped a few steps ahead of me. It was Bonnie, I was sure now. I ran towards her. I was happy to see my Bonnie back, and didn’t bother to see who rode it.
  It’s my horse, I said, Please get off it!
I was caressing her mane, when suddenly the voice rang.
What if I don’t give her to you? She replied.

Those brown hair, those blue eyes. Those fragile fingers, those delicate arms. The warmth of her embrace, the softness of her satin skin. The luscious lips, that naughty sparkle in her eyes. All there, right in front of me.
What are you doing here? I asked.
I couldn’t stay back. When Agatha was done with her party arrangements, I sneaked away! She said with the coolness as though she did it always.
Amelia! How much I missed you! I said as I raised my head to see her face. The hair adorned with flowers like a crown on her head. She looked like the princess of the forest.
She bent down and whispered, I couldn’t stay away from you Arthur. Next time, don’t let me go anywhere. I missed you so much.

And her soft sensuous lips enthralled me again. Her spell was again cast on me. Her love again engulfed me. I kissed her as softly as I cupped her face in my hands.
I broke away from the kiss and got up on Bonnie, with Amelia sitting near my heart while my protective arms enclosed her. The princess of the forest, the queen of my heart. I knew I loved her and she loved me too!

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S.F.R.

Time!

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The sand in the hourglass slips by,
     The clock’s hands tick slowly away,
The rose of love dries up so soon,
     The desert sand is flown away from the dune.

As time passes by, let not the world change you,
     Let not the butterfly get back into the cocoon.
See beyond the hindrances that stop you,
     Look above the horizon, watch the world anew.

Time will pass and make you regret some day,
    It makes you cringe and cry while you try to stay,
On the path of truth, determination and dedication
     Let the walk of life move ahead from every destination.

Friends and love, will all come along,
     All will rejoice and hum every song.
Don’t let fear of failure stop you, my dear,
     Don’t let the shaky thoughts come any near.

Take a flight, fly high and keep rising,
     Don’t let some else’s dream decide your fate and sizing.
You are the master of your destiny, your fate,
     You rule your world and you are unique, my mate.

Let the slipping sand of the hourglass tell you now,
     That one has an equal chance at joys and sorrow.
Let the withered rose remind you always,
      All good and bad are alternate days.

One may stay now but will leave very soon,
     The gloom and sadness, has not much room.
The smiles you spread and the love you share,
      Makes all the difference when there is care.

Let the clock tick and today fade away, O friend,
     You collect some joys and good times you spend.
Let the warrior in you get up to fight,
     Live up to your best and fight with your might.

    

S.F.R.

Love, what are thou?

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Sometimes, down the line, walking along the crowd in the race of life, questions keep tugging you, a thought keeps coming back.

Are you even needed by anyone? Does the person who mean the world to you, also see his/her world in you? Are you equally important to him/her?

Well, how hard I try,I always end up with no answer. If I need or love someone so much, it is my decision. It is my feeling and my desire. I cannot expect the other person too, to have that kind of feeling or thought for me. If love would beget love, why would there be divorces, why would there be violence, why would there be betrayal.

If I love someone as strongly as I believe I do, the non return of that love is the hardest and the most painful thing to bear. Yet, there is no way I could cause that person to change. Sometimes it is for us to decide, is that fine or not. Can you live without it or not!

If love would be counted as public display of affection (PDA) then mother’s love might be one to have diminished as time passes. I say this, because as we grow older, she doesn’t display her love so openly. Does that mean her love has reduced? Of course not! So love is not the way it is shown. Love is, how it makes you feel.

If you love someone, show it. Tell it. Confess about it, and be soon. You wouldn’t want the other person to keep waiting for you in anxiety. It hurts, it pains and it makes the person live through hell, the several times you come in front of their eyes. If you’ve been in love, keep the aura and magic of it alive near you.

If you’ve been separated, live with those magical memories. You were lucky to have loved that person and gave him/her the best times of life. You never let it turn uglier, you were allowed to have him/her in life to be kept always in your heart. You were lucky to have been given a chance to have such a valuable person come in life. Living with good memories is always better than living in regrets and seeing the love die out.

Value love in whichever way it comes to you. Hold it hard and strong, till you can. Express it in simple ways. Sometimes a warm hug and a soft kiss is the need of the hour. Don’t leave them stranded. Don’t leave a person guessing, don’t let them pluck out petals trying to know if you “love them-or not”! Don’t hide your feelings, don’t keep them waiting. Don’t play with hearts, it is too fragile in the matters of love.

Don’t play with a person’s feelings, and call him a friend when you don’t know what a friend and a lover means. And if you plan to break up, be courteous enough to move away. Don’t keep in touch as earlier and stay friendly to keep that guilt that is rising within you at peace. Don’t be such a selfish soul! It is going to be more painful and hard for the other person. Don’t break them when they’re already shattered. Let them pick up their own self and move ahead. Don’t become a painful baggage to them.

Respect the love you get and value the love you have. Keep love around you. Love is too beautiful, too magical, let it grow within and let it be strong and true. Life is too short to be lived loveless-ly! Spread a smile and love around and it will surely get back to you too!

With lots of love,

S.F.R.