Love The Rain?

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Its been raining on and off for the last few days in my city. And what a beauty it is, what a joy it is to feel and see the nature showering and cleansing the land and flora.

The first few tiny droplets of water, fell on my face making me look up at the sky. The white and grey clouds were like a ceiling on the floor of the earth. I knew they warned as they grumbled before they begin to sprinkle their contents. Looking around for shelter, I was glad as the parched land for the rains had been scarce these days.

As the clouds started sliding their zippers, the droplets grew in size and frequency. And suddenly it began to rain heavily. It was fun to watch all running helter skelter. I was standing in the balcony, watching the rain, and the chaos it created. The breeze was blowing and playing around with the drops, trying to elope as far as they could with them. It took them to those who were trying to hide. Oh no! It wasn’t going to let anyone go dry.

I stretched my right hand and felt the cold water fallen in my palm. So cool and so thrilling, it was a gift from the skies. I moved a little out and let it fall on me.
I stretched my arms wide apart, something inspired by Kate of Titanic and the famous ship scene. Only there was no Jack to hold me at the back. 😉

It was such an enthralling experience, surreal and dream-like. I always loved the rain and today was no different. It’s a different thing that I am down with a headache and a little cold!

I hope you all enjoy the rain as I had done!
Happy rains!
Take care, till we meet again!
Love….

S.F.R.

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Love You …. Miss You!

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Well, today I don’t have an incident or a story for anyone. Just a little of my side, my life.

Around four years back, I had a change of job. From a lucrative MNC job, I resigned due to personal issues and joined as a teacher in a school nearby.

There I had an amazing and memorable time. I always cherish those memories. And they are so special for me. And here I met a child, a boy.

He was not very different from the rest, but something between us clicked. In 9 months he was to write his tenth class examinations. Beautiful nine months!
There were competitions held, picnics we enjoyed. Each day was unique in itself. And then one day, he made me cry.

Cry with tears of exhilaration! He called me MOTHER! I have my own kids but to be called as a mother by him filled me with a strange joy. Why? You may wonder! I have no idea. But trust me, it was similar to those days when my kids had started speaking. It was like when they had first called me MOTHER! He has his own mother, a very good lady, and I have kids of mine, but sometimes someone becomes as special as one of your own. He is that special one for me.

A very special child for me, a very special bond we share. A very unique love we have. A very beautiful relationship. We are still always in touch, though he is quite a busy boy now. Aiming to become a Chartered Accountant!

Today, no reason as such but I missed him a lot! So, today’s blog is dedicated to him! 💜💜

With lots of love and blessings for my son.
My sweet son. Love you!

S.F.R.

I Wish….

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Hi all..

Well this is just a small write up from me today. Hope you like reading it.

I wish…

Sitting by the shore, watching the sea waves lash its fury at the sand, I looked around. I was waiting for my friend to come. My friend, the wind was a busy entity. I knew it would come and spin me round and round till I would feel giddy. Lo! Think of her and here she is.

She was always like this. Always jovial to see me. Always showing me around and telling me stories. Stories which had not characters but real people. She would bring words she had heard, she would show me faces, so common yet so unique. The world had so many stories to tell, but no one to listen. She says people don’t listen to ease your pain, they listen to either talk behind you or to find faults with you. She and her thoughts!

Today she is sad. Something which I dread. But it happens every day. At this hour. When I asked her, she dodged it away. She can be really moody, you know. I am persistent and keep asking and this is what she came about.

She lifted my chin, and turned my head right, she showed me a young couple. Probably out on a date. She was shy and he was hesitant. Their eyes were sparkling with new found love. It was always unknown to many, where their stories  would end. Would there be heartbreak or wedding bells? Well, only time could tell. Seeing them giggle, a smile came up on my face , she called me a pervert for that!

Suddenly, she turned my face to the left. I saw a couple again. They were happy and had eyes only for each other. My friend told me their happiness was proof they were recently married. The glances they gave, the laughter they shared, was evidence enough of their love. With prayers and hopes they had begun a new life.

She pulled me ahead. We walked silently along. She tugged my hand and turned me right again. There was a family. A man and wife and little bundle all wrapped tightly in a pink blanket. Three of them so far from this world. She held the baby affectionately and carefully. He had one hand under the baby and the other on the woman’s slender waist. The family had just grown further.

We smiled and wished them all the happiness ahead. I took a few steps and looked at her. She showed me a man and wife, on my left. They were sitting together but were unaware. They were holding hands but they weren’t showing love to each other. My friend looked sad to me, I wondered why! She told me, the couple had lost their 3 year old child. He was killed in an accident. The tiny bud had neither seen nor done a thing. Some drunk lazy fellows target he became.

I knew she would stay sad if we stood there long. So I pulled her along. Far away I saw a man. All alone by himself. I knew him. My friend took me towards him and stood by my side. I saw him looking in my direction. Yet I knew he couldn’t see me. I knew why he was here. Every evening he came here, as though it was a ritual. Every time he got a red rose, his gift for me.

I saw him silently. He sighed in pain. Strange are matters of the heart. I was in another dimension yet I could feel his pain. I knew what it was doing to him. I wish I could stretch my hand and touch him again. I wish I could caress his hair. I wish I could ruffle them up and laugh as he grumbled. I wish I could tell him, to move ahead. I wish I could tell him to forget about me.

I wish I could do something to ease his pain. I wish I could! Every time I saw him, I wished I were by his side, in flesh and blood. I wish I was with him in his ups and downs. I wish I was with him to kiss him goodnight. I wish I was with him to wave him goodbye. I wish I was with him.
I wish I wasn’t haunting him.
I wish was alive and not seeing him die within, standing quietly aside.
We ended up sad, my love, my friend and I!

Thanks for reading!

S.F.R.

Anna by Fia Essen – Review

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The first word to say about Anna by Fia Essen is…. WOWWWW!!! I really had a fun filled time reading this book. Its really a great story if you are game to Chick Lit. and light hearted comedy romance.

The first page onwards the story starts unfolding making the reading enjoyable all along. Anna is a thirty year old, dumped by her boyfriend and fired from her job. She is like any other woman, trying to climb the ladder to reach the dream position. But things take a complete 180 degree turn and her life goes changes.

Alex is another adorable character, the hero of the story. He is quite complex and indecisive. And he adds more confusion to our poor Anna. Alex has his own set of issues and problems which he needs to face. Jane is the sweeeeeetest character of the book. She is such a jovial and happy person. She adds all the care, spice and fun in Anna’s life. Loved her!

After a major part of the story, comes a character, and I fell in love with that character. The situations involving this character had me in splits. I was laughing at those times. The most adorable and innocent character of the story add more fun along in the book.

Well, if you like simple, fun-filled love story, belonging to the Chick Lit genre then you should enjoy this like I did. Ask me to rate it on a 5 star scale, it would be 6 from me! 💜💜💜
I am really falling in love with this author. After Ariel, Anna was a real exciting ride! Keep rocking dear!

Enjoy reading all!

S.F.R.

Gentle Touch…. (3)

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Chapter 3

I didn’t meet Susan for a week now. I knew she was going to be saddened by it. I called her up three days after that night. She deserved that, I couldn’t abandon her totally. I had to think and decide something.

Those days. Every three days, I called her up. She would ask me how I was, how my work was going at the bank where I worked as a teller. She tried hard to not ask me, as though she was afraid of what my answer would be. This indecisiveness was as much painful for her as much it was for me.

Those days were dreadful. I was alive but as though someone had beaten the life out of me. I knew that deep in my heart I had developed love for her. Her uniqueness, her smile, her care was boundless. Was she what I needed in life? I was going mad. I knew I had strong feelings for her. But why this indecision then! I had no answer to that question.

It was week two now. While I was returning home from the bank, I received a call. It was an unknown number. I received the call. It was from nurse Amy, Susan’s colleague at the hospital. There was a fire that had broken out on the pediatric floor and…… I heard nothing. There were a hundred thoughts in my mind. A hundred what-ifs. A hundred prayers to God. A hundred times my heart told me now, I love her. I will love her. Just let her live, and I will love her immeasurably.

I ran towards the nearest taxi and made the driver rush to the hospital. There was smoke coming from the building. I rushed in. There was all chaos. I was taking long strides. Where are you Susan? Please for God’s sake, don’t leave me now! I whispered my prayers.

The fire was put off and children were shifted in a makeshift section of the other wing on that floor. There she was! Her white uniform turned grey with the smoke and ashes. Her face had soot. Her hands were covered with bandage but she was still comforting the child on the bed.

I ran towards her. Uncaring about the place and people, I pulled her into my arms. She was shocked. “Simon! I am fine Simon!” She said. I hugged her tighter with tears falling from my eyes. I knew she was strong. This time I was trembling. And I told what my heart had told me a few minutes back.

“I love you, Susan. I really do!” I said holding her tighter to my chest. I would be hers. I would give her all the love she needed and wanted. I would have her love me. I would be hers. I loved her. Nothing else mattered. She was in shock. She pulled herself slowly away. She held my hand and moved me to a corner.
“Don’t be mad Simon. You don’t have to be so worried and decide something like this! Think rationally.” she blurted.
“It’s decided. I was away as I needed to decide. I wanted to assure myself that I loved you and only then I wanted to come back to you! I didn’t avoid you Susan. I wanted to know myself, my feelings and my love.” I spoke my heart out.

She was speechless. I smiled at her and kissed her. Her soft and tender lips were under mine. I knew I had a lot to do. But I was ready to do anything for her. For my Susan.
After six months we got married. No one had any say as Susan and I had decided that we wouldn’t need to tell everyone everything. So we became one. She was an amazing wife and lover. Except for the missing breasts, she was the epitome of love and care. Susan, my life.

When two years to our marriage passed, and she wasn’t able to conceive, she went in for some dreadful tests. And then hell broke lose in my world. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I tried my best to make ends meet. She kept her job going. We went for chemotherapy, for all sorts of medicines and therapies. Nothing was working for her. It was five years back. She was now in the last stage. I was trying my best to hold on to her, to keep her with me. I needed her.

I was here again today. My wife lay silent, asleep. As I got ready to leave, she had opened her eyes. This happened lesser because she was under high dose pain killers and morphine injections to ease her pain. She held my finger. She pulled me closer. She spoke after a long time. “Thanks for eeevvveerrryyythhinnnggg, Siiimmmooonn” she spoke with dragging the words. Speaking four words was making it hard to breathe. Her thin cold fingers were touching my face now. I held her other hand, it was just a bony structure. She caressed my cheek, “Goodbye love” she said and then her hand fell limp.
My wife was gone. Her suffering ended. I gave her all the love that I could but I couldn’t save her. My heart wept for my love. And Susan left me alone. Her gentle touch today was her last one!

💠💠💠💠💠💠 THE END 💠💠💠💠💠💠

Thanks for reading!

S.F.R.

Gentle Touch… (2)

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She stopped a taxi and gave her address. I was really scared now. It took twenty minutes to reach. She was silent the whole time. Twenty minutes of silence. Twenty minutes of uncertainty.

Her apartment was in an old building. We entered the apartment. It was small but neat and tidy. There was one long sofa and a small divan at the other side. She asked me to sit on the sofa. She slowly locked the door.

She quietly went into the kitchen and brought two cans of Diet Coke. I clicked one open and had a few sips. She sat on the sofa at an arms length from me. Her hands were shivering and her skin had gone all pale and white. She held the can tightly as though thinking and deciding something.

I reached out to her. Her hands were colder than they were outside. “Susan, you needn’t tell me anything if that worries you so much. Just let it go for now. Don’t worry!” I comforted her.

She didn’t look at me. Her voice shook as she spoke, “Simon. I wanted to tell you this sooner. I can’t let you think of me in some way unless you know me completely. And today I want you to know me. Completely” She stressed on the last word while a tear fell on the back of my hand which was on hers.

She stood up. She was wearing a black zipped top. A scarf around her neck which covered her shoulders completely. It stopped just above her black skirt. She kept the coke can on the table and stepped away. The room was well lit, but she switched on another light.

She went a few steps away. She removed the scarf. I saw her slender neck. Only then did I realize that she was always wearing a scarf. She had never been without it even in the hospital. Something was strange.

She threw it down. Before I realized, she unzipped her shirt fully and let it fall on the floor. When I raised my head, I was speechless. Standing before me, with her chest uncovered was Susan, looking as pale and bright as the moonlight. Her face in total pain being there. Her body shivering. I saw the slender neck throbbing with cries, it held back. And on her chest were two long scars. Surgical scars. They were replacing her breasts. Her missing breasts.

Seeing my utter shock, Susan turned away. Her back towards me as though she wanted to undo everything and hide away.

It was as though someone had pressed a pause button for long. I could hear her silent sobs. Slowly I stood and stepped closer to her, I took her scarf and wrapped it around her. Her skin was cold and shuddered when I touched her.

I turned her around. Her eyes were flooded with tears. I freed her hair from the band gently and let her hair fall over her shoulder. Her brown soft curls made her look so innocent and vulnerable. I raised the end of the scarf towards her shoulder. She looked at me with those blue eyes. And then she fell into my arms. She let the ocean of tears flow.

She cried for a long time. I let her do so. I felt she needed to get it all out of her. And then she told about herself.
She was born in a poor family. She was ten when she lost her parents. They were killed in an accident. She knew of no other relatives and so she was put into a foster home.
She learned to read and write. The foster house had recognized her abilities and helped her in that. She was soon allowed to leave the foster house and she needed to look for work.

One of the women told her that one of her aunts needed a girl to take care of her daughter diagnosed with cancer, a home nurse. And then began her stint as a nurse. After the girl succumbed to cancer, that woman helped Susan. Seeing the girl die had made Susan realize the unfairness of life. She decided to use her efforts to give some relief to people effected by it.

When she was about 24, Susan had felt a lump in her breast. She had kept herself engrossed in her work. No affairs with doctors or anyone for that matter. If she wasn’t a nurse she would have become a nun. She wasn’t a bad person, she hadn’t wronged anyone, so nothing bad could happen to her, she felt. She prayed and prayed that it would be nothing. But the Lord wasn’t happy with her prayers. She was diagnosed with breast cancer. And the doctors advised her mastectomy.

In this world of looks and fashion, of synthetic boob-jobs and lust, she had to decide to remove her breasts. And with that left her wish to love someone. Her dream for a family. Her desire for children and her hope to be loved. She decided to live as God wanted her to. Without her assets, her breasts.

We were sitting on the floor, she clung onto me. Her cold body trembling. It was heart rending to see her like that. The strong woman who had such a tender heart and loved all around. Her life had been so cruel to her. She was so innocent, so vulnerable. So alone. She had poured it all out and was silently breathing.

Finally, she looked at me and said, “Simon, I never told anyone this. I have no one to tell all this. I have lived all my life alone. It was after you came in. I could never remove your clown face from my memory. And then when you came with that fractured arm, I wished you would like me. And slowly when you started coming there often, I felt I would have a friend in you. Then you asked me out. I was only looking at keeping it platonic. However tonight when you kissed me, I had to let you know this. I can’t bear a heartbreak Simon. This is too soon, this thing between us. So, I wanted you to know me fully before you think anything.”

I kept looking at her. I knew each word of hers was true. She didn’t let me go ahead with anything unless I knew her completely. She was so hurt, so alone and so distraught. She had no one. I wanted to kiss her again but something was bothering me. Some thoughts. What was I to do? I did feel pity for her, but can I go ahead with this relationship on the base of pity. A kiss now would have a different meaning for her. Was that his answer?

As though she had read my thoughts, Susan said,”Simon, we remain friends as long as you want. Don’t wallow in pity for me. I feel blessed to have you in my life, even if as a friend, my only friend!”
It relieved me somewhat. It did make me feel guilty too. A few hours back, I had kissed her and wanted to love her. Was that not love then?

I stayed for an hour. After she felt better, I left her alone. She seemed so much at peace. She was no more pale or cold, as though the storm had passed. The storm was now in my mind and heart.

I needed to think over. I did not meet her for the next few days. I knew it would pain her, but I had answers to get from myself. I had felt she was the woman for me. I knew I could have been wrong but her heart was so pure. She was such a divine being. So special. But a woman who was incomplete in terms of today’s definition of beauty, a woman who was scarred for life. Was she someone I could love?  Did I have what it takes to stand up to her? Was I brave enough to accept her with such a huge flaw?

P.S.: This is going to take up another day I guess. Thanks for reading and regret the inconvenience. I am really bad at keeping things short!! 💁

Keep reading!

Love

S.F.R.

Gentle Touch…

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The visiting hours were over. I walked out of the room. Seeing her writhe in pain was the last thing I had wanted to see. And doing that helplessly had been my ritual for the last five years. She was the epitome of life, love and beauty. My darling wife Susan.

I met Susan on one of my visits to the kids section in the hospital. I was there as a clown for a patient’s birthday party. I had been forced to go there as a replacement by my friend. He was part of a non-governmental organization’s team. This NGO was trying to spread joys to the children suffering from fatal diseases.

I still remember how I had gotten late and dashed into Susan at the pediatric section. She smiled at me, I understood later, it was because of how foolish I looked. But, I was supposed to be a clown, I had to look foolish and act too. Anyways, she smiled at me and my heart seemed as though it forgot to beat.

Susan, I later learned was there everyday. She had to be. She was the most loved nurse of the pediatric department. Children adored her. I was a witness to that when I visited the hospital as a patient, a short week later. As soon as my orthopedic doctor checked my bones of my fractured arm, I got an excuse to go further. I felt it was a boon in disguise for me.

I stepped onto the elevator and reached the fourth floor. The door opened after a ring. I stepped out of it. I walked along seeing the children of all shapes and sizes and colors around. The most disturbing sights were to come next. To see the tiny arms and hands straddled with needles hurt me. The little eyes sparkling with hope. Their little faces with frowns due to the medicines and injections. I kept walking around. I stopped at a corner and looked around. It was the Cancer patients ward.

The steady rise of deaths due to cancer was not a new thing, but it shocked me to see children affected by it too. And all here were in the second or third stage. I looked around, most of them had not a single hair on their head. Some of them had hair, like some messy patch left on their head. It was heart-rending. Stark reality about that disgusting disease looked back at me. Why these kids? I wondered. What have they done? Have they even lived properly to be subjected to such painful times and death at such a tender age?

And then, she entered. She was in that white boring nurse uniform. Yet, never had I seen a woman look so beautiful in that attire. Those soft blue eyes had so much care and concern in them. She was tall and wore no heels, she was wearing white flats. And her brown-blonde hair tied into a tight bun. Her thin pink lips made her look so beautiful that I didn’t realize it when she came up to me.

“Sir, what are you doing here? I think you’ve lost your way. The orthopedic department is on the first floor.” She kept saying and I just stared at her. When finally she snapped a finger in front of my eyes, the spell broke.

“Oh! I am sorry.” I replied apologetically.

She took a hard and close look at me. Then she smiled. Dear God! What a creation of Yours! My heart again skipped a beat.

“Hey! You are the person who was here last week as the clown. Am I right?” She asked. I was amazed and happy that she had remembered me. And then began my trips to the hospital. My visits and walks around the children were something I waited for every week. Once in a week, I would go there and play the clown or read stories to those innocent souls. What peace it brought! And the onus was Susan was always there.

Finally one Saturday I took her out for dinner. And then as they say all is history. But wait, not in that sense. Our dinners were really dinners. We’d watch a movie or go for a walk. Then we would bid each other farewell. There was some reason that Susan never initiated anything. Plans, movies or dinners. She would happily comply but not ask first. She was close yet very far from me.

It was one night, when after the movie and dinner, I held her hand and sat on a bench nearby a small park. It was a full moon shining overhead. I told her about my day, she heard. I complained about my job, she giggled. It was like the sound of bells. Soft chimes. And I couldn’t stop myself. I raised my hand and touched her chin. Raising her face up, in the moonlight I saw those blue eyes. How magical they were!

And then I kissed her. Soft and tender kiss. She was surprised but didn’t try to move away. After I moved away, she opened those blue eyes and looked at me. This time there were tears in them. I was scared. Did I do something wrong. I looked at her questioningly.

She held my hand. Her hands had become so cold. I was worried she was sick. She held it tightly and said, “I know Simon. I have felt it. You want to take our relationship ahead, but before that I need to tell you something. I cannot cheat you or deceive you.”

I was filled with fright. What was it? Was she already married? Was she engaged? Was she in love with someone else? Questions flooded my mind……..

(To be continued…….)
Note: Well, the story stops here. Surely will try to move it ahead tomorrow.  Hope you all like it.

Ciao
From Simon, Susan and

S.F.R.