Tears Or Smiles?

The light rays of the sun fell on her face. She opened her heavy eyes and looked at the window glistening with the sunrays. She groped around in her bed. For an instant Maya had forgotten yesterday. For an instant she forgot what made her eyes and head heavy. She had forgotten Suraj. She had forgotten her son!

Maya rose from her bed. She thought of all the pain her tiny little baby had endured. Those merciless needles pinned to his body. Those innumerable times they drew out his blood. Those false hopes all had given her; that some medication might work and he would have a better life.

Suraj was her six year old dead son! Dead! To think of that word always had made Maya shiver. Yet, it didnt have any effect today.

She and Deep had had a son after ten years of marriage. Their Suraj, the sun of their universe was born and then their life felt complete. He had never been a troublesome child. Even as an infant he never troubled Maya. He would sleep when Maya would cuddle him. He would wake when all awoke. He would not fall sick as often the other kids would. Maya was a proud mother and she would always heap praises in front of others.

And then destiny struck them hard. Suraj was five when he started falling sick. His temperature would rise uncontrollably and he started becoming frail. They ran hysterically from one doctor to another. After running hundreds of tests and checkups, Suraj was diagnosed of blood cancer.

Maya and Deep’s Suraj, their universe, could not be cured as his cancer was in third stage and his body was fragile to respond to the medicines. Maya went to every temple, every saint’s tomb, every church’s priest, but nothing was working. Slowly his conditions worsened and in a year, he breathed his last.

That was yesterday. Her Suraj was no more. Her Deep was broken. She was shattered. She had seen his lively and beautiful face become lifeless. She saw his smile fade. She saw his breath stop. She saw his eyes close. She saw it all.

But something was strange. Being a mother of a deceased son, she shouldnt be feeling like that. Was she a bad mother? Was she a cruel woman to feel this way after her son died? Was she going crazy? What was this? Maya kept wondering.

She felt a peace. She felt that her son was at peace. Her Suraj was at peace now. No more piercing needles into those tiny veins. No more hospital visits. No more awful medicines. No more painful cries. She felt at peace that finally Suraj was too at peace. This world was just not worthy of her son. He was an angel whom the world was giving pain beyond his endurance. Maya for once smiled as she saw her son’s picture hanging on the wall. She saw him smiling back. And then her tears started falling. Her world seemed lost but she knew he was somewhere above, smiling back at her!


Sandra woke up to more butterflies flying in her stomach. It was the day! It was her first day to join school as the teacher. 15th August 2011. She woke with nervousness and anxiety. She helped her children get ready and leave for school. Her husband noticed her anxiety and teased her. He was glad to see her take up a job rather than while away her time and worry about nothing! They weren’t too rich but he knew she was happy with him. He knew she loved him a lot. She just felt useless and so when she was selected as an English teacher at a local school, he readily agreed.
Sandra was joining in the middle of the academic year and she was to handle the higher classes. Her last visit, when she got her appointment letter scared her. She saw boys and girls of all types and sizes. There were tall and short ones; lean and fat ones; showy; nerdy- all were there. She wondered if she would be able to handle them. She always knew she could leave it if she wasn’t able to!
Stepping into the premises of the school, she took a deep breath. It was after 5 years that she again thought of working. Her kids had grown up and she had a lot of time for herself. The grey building looked sombre from outside but inside was the fervour of childhood. There were giggles, smiles, laughter and talks of the innocent beings of God – children.
She was given her timetable and to her shock, her first class was with 10th boys! Ohhh dear, she thought! She stepped apprehensively into the class to see around 25-26 boys talking aloud. One of them noticed her and suddenly there was an uneasy silence. Sandra smiled and knew she had to face it! She wasnt going to step back. 
“Good morning boys”, she said.
“Good morning Ma’am”, they replied. After a few days i knew a few names. Allan was the happy go lucky guy, Sam- the leader of the gang, Jack the quiet observer and Owen. Well Owen was one who seemed most away from the class but contrarily he was the most attentive and expressive. They had slowly and steadily accepted Sandra as a guide, a friend and as their mentor. And then began the tryst with learning. It had its ups and downs. Sandra enjoyed her days. The boys would sometimes get protective of her if she praised any one other than them. Sometimes they would walk back to her house with her, if she got late to leave. 
A few days were left now for them to appear for their finals. Sandra had got them thinking about their goals. Her motivation inspired her students and they took these exams to show her how much she affected them.
And then, their world took a turn. Allan, the one who would never wear a frown, was hit by the wrath of destiny. His father expired, two days before the exams began. Sandra was shocked when Owen called and informed her. She wanted to see him. She wanted to reach out to Allan but she wanted to give him space.
When she attended the funeral with all his friends, she saw him. Allan, the ever smiling one, had suddenly gone so lifeless. Seeing him lift the coffin of his father brought tears to Sandra’s eyes. The boy who complained of the heavy bag and books, was carrying and bearing the lifeless body of his father.
He looked at her with tears. She wanted to comfort him but she stopped herself.she didnt want him to break down. When they had buried the coffin and all left. Sandra was leaving too. Her.phone rang in her purse. It was Owen. He said, ” Ma’am, he wants to speak to you!”
Sandra held her chest tight with the other hand. Allan’s voice came, ” Ma’am, I am lost. I am alone now. I cannot face anything. I lost everything today”. Sandra’s face got drenched with tears but she had to do it. 
After Allan had stopped and she could hear his whimpers, she said, “Allan, nothing is lost. He left your mother and your sister in your hands now. You cant let them down. I will not let you lose. I will not face anything alone. You have to do it foryl.your father, your mother, your siblings. You will do it with me. Promise me that you will write your exams. Please!!” 
With tears in her eyes, how she said that, she too didnt know! But she had to. She had to stop him from breaking. She had to make him stand. She had to pick him up before he shattered. She and Owen took him for the exam on the first day of exam. He was pale but he appeared as Sandra would not listen to a no. The next paper onwards he asked Sandra not to worry and he would appear for all exams now.
When the result was declared, the first person whom Allan rushed to was Sandra. He held her hand and thanked her for what she had done for him. Sandra was surprised. She hadnt done anything except say a few words. Allan then told her,”If your words made me do this, it means you are magical. I promise, I wont ever let you down! Thanks for everything. Thanks for believing in me”. 
Those words and that feeling made Sandra resolve that she would always keep herself dedicated towards her work. One may never know how far and deep you can touch another’s life. Sandra still teaches and each year she ends up collecting the love of so many students and they say that she had touched their lives in such a way that no other had.

So long, farewell!

Hi all,

It feels nice to be able to write something down without the fear of being read or being judged. It kind of gives an inner peace.

Well, today was a.strange day. I saw the girls of my school cry as it was their last day at school. Very soon they will appear for their board exams. There were smiles on faces with tears in eyes. There were dreams and wishes but also despair. There was a joy but also pain. It just goes.to show that, nothing comes without a price.

It gave me a nostalgic feeling. I still get a tear to my eye when i recall those students who left school or when i had left the school. The love and bond that you share with them makes things so difficult for a person who is their teacher. The times we spent, the smiles,
the scoldings, the proximity and the love we share, are a few things left between us, before  we separate!

I always tell myself- No!No way! I wont cry when they’ll leave. I wont shed a tear when they are going to fly away. Yet, all my resolves break. Each time it is equally painful. Rather, this year, I wasn’t among the teachers who taught the 10th classes. On the contrary, I have recently joined this school. I thought it would be a cake-walk. Surprisingly, I had teary eyes!

I need to do something about it I think! Or am I just a overly emotional person? Well, who would answer me! 😉

Anyways got to go now. Lets see what I share here when I come around next time.
Stay healthy. Stay blessed. Spread smiles.
Byeeeeee !

Reading… Kite Runner!

Recently I saw one of my students post about a book. Kite Runner by Khalid Hosseini. After asking her a bit, she highly recommended me to read it. I love her for that.

Its a beautiful book among those that I have read. A book about two boys and their turmoils, their lives, their fears and weaknesses. A book that shows Afghanistan and its people’s pains and turmoils. It shows how people get oppressed by not just the Foreign forces but also about the ways your Own people.could add to your misery. It shows about the kind of evil that seems to spread around without a fear.

The book is bound to make one shed atleast a tear or sit back with a lump in throat. The pain that as kids they suffer can make you feel so sad and despair life with them. It’s certainly a must read for those who like to read simple yet strong stories.

I would suggest all to read it for once. It would really change a thought or two of yours towards life and people.

Happy reading guys and gals!

Do you read?

Hi all,

Well this is the first time I have finally managed to write a blog after thinking about it for so long! Not that it scares me but just that I felt I wasn’t ready for it yet. But sometimes you could be wrong in what you think. So with a little of anxiety and a wish to make whoever reads my work be a happy reader. I wish I can do that. That’s a dream I am going to pursue for now.

So, I love reading books. Books that make me not just feel but also take me into a world which just is not a fantasy.  So what is the criteria of selecting a book? For me just and instinctive selection works off. I am not very choosy but I am really not a Biography or Autobiography kind of person.

So, all the people out there, this is Syeda, a woman with some simple dreams and a simple wish to try to be a good writer. Wish me luck please.  Hope I will be able to do so. Take care till then. Catch you all soon.

Bye for now! 😉