A cup of tea!

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This is me. Well not really me, but some how like me. Me, a few years back.
What makes me put her here then? Well, the reason she adorns my write up today is she reminds me of those days. Those days, I was mad at the customs and methods of marriages. A hue and cry for every, every thing! So this picture reminds me of that time. A bittersweet time!!
Want to know why? Read on. But please don’t complaint that I hadn’t warned, IT IS GOING TO BORE YOU DOWN!! 😒😒(I told ya!!)

Love can happen to anyone, anywhere, any time they say. Though I am a total romantic freak, I read romance, I write romance, I am a hopeless romantic, yet unbelievably mine was an arranged marriage. No lovey dovey glances, no breathing heavy or sighing like a furnace. No fluttering butterflies and no flurry of emotions. Mine was one, in which I first saw him, on a postcard sized glossy paper – my to be husband’s photograph while my parents showed it to my friends. They were devilish enough to let me have a look!! 😂😂

Reason? Well, I wasn’t interested in marriage at all! Seriously, living with a person, moving away from your parents, the shift of priorities in one day made me feel it was too heavy a burden for my shoulders. So, while I rejected few proposals citing studies every time, many a times I received a NO ’cause they felt…. Well, they found many reasons to decline! 😁

And then, one fine day, this guy walks in the house, with his mother and meets my parents. Very comfortably he says, “I would prefer to see her myself, and hope she too would prefer that way!” 
Now this was a first for my family. They were shocked! The guy himself says he wants to see me and wants me to have a look before I get married to him.
I felt this guy is going to hear a big NO from my beloved parents.
But destiny had other plans and they agreed!! 😨😱

I was really mad now. This lead to a small confrontation. You see they had fired all rounds of their weapons of taunts and undigestable remarks on us. When? Every time!
Every time, my sister insisted that I should be shown the picture at least, there was a fuss. The typical, “how can she know what’s good for her? You are brain washing her! Girls in our family never did such a thing!! Etc!! Etc!!! Etc!!!!” So this kind of cracked me up!

So, they agreed. Now I didn’t even know how I was supposed to feel. So, I wore the most boring colored dress that I had – a dark green Salwar kameez – a small studs in my ears and a thin chain around my neck. A little lipstick, eyeliner for eyes, now this was something my mother sat in front of me and made me do! So I couldn’t escape it! 😒

Finally they arrived. He and his mother. I thought they would call me with the tray of tea and that typical scene we see in the Bollywood marriage scenarios. I’ve never understood the concept behind it. As though we women are always going to serve tea and eateries! 😕

So, here I was all ready, waiting for a call by my mother. She brought his mother in to the our hall, while my dad and he sat in the living room. Then I heard mom call. I realized, how a sacrificial goat feels before it is put under the knife. My younger brother walked in. I asked him who was where and he confirmed their locations. Heaving a sigh of relief, I walked in.

Their faces lifted and I kept the tray on the table in the center. Two cups of hot tea and plates filled with cookies and cakes and other delicacies. A minute after they’d leave, we the children, would be pouncing on them like hungry lions! Well so for now I had to take not single bite.

His mother tried to make me comfortable but trust me, not a single kind word helps that time. I sat fidgeting until finally they said, I could go in. Such a relief!!

The moment I rose from the chair, and took a turn. Unaware, unprepared.
To my utter shock, he was standing there, at the end of the hall. My face must have been as though I had seen a ghost. He greeted me with Salaam and I responded. And then there was a breath taken in and released. I turned and looked at my mother. She smiled. She too was aware! It looked as though she had changed sides! 😯😱😨

**** Oh dear! I better stop now, else the present-gen version of that ‘Guy’ will start lecturing me that I shouldn’t be writing or reading or staying awake for long!
Goodness it’s just eleven now!!!! 😓😓

Anyways, the rest some other time! Sorry if it sounded as a lullaby! Blame the picture for it! I saw it and this thing came out through my fingers! 😇😇
Lots of love!!

S.F.R.

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14 thoughts on “A cup of tea!

  1. I really loved reading about it – so please: more!!! For me it´s so interesting to read about these things as they seem worlds away from my life in Europe… Of course I´ve read about arranged marriages before and saw a film or two, but here it really is not a topic very much talked about because nobody does it – or at least: not anymore. I myself don´t know what I would have felt in your place – having been raised as I have been, I would have been totally against it, but if I would have grown up in a culture where it is still common practice, I might have thought otherwise… Anyway, it´s always so nice to read about you, no matter what you write about! Lots of love, Sarah

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ohh that’s really so sweet of you! You’re a great friend! 😘
      It is a fading trend this side of the world too. Kind of cultural issue we face.
      The place and the family we grow up in has a really major influence on us.
      I wasn’t against arrange marriage – the way I preferred to keep myself, I would have been a spinster yet! 😋
      I was just not prepared and the kind of responsibilities it brought, I wasn’t ready for that!
      Your kind words really are motivating me to go ahead and tell all! 😉
      Thanks my dear friend! Love, Syeda!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Interesting insight and very open dialogue of what an arranged marriage feels like.
    It must be tough for both sides not knowing the other person.
    Is it a strictly cultural thing or religious? And how much say do bride or groom have?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading Lion! I’m really thrilled!
      It is a strange thing, life changing event and anxiety filled moments. But it has its own pros and cons.
      For me, it was a religious and a cultural thing as well. Somethings are accepted or permitted by religion but customs and culture looks at it in a different way!
      I’ll keep in mind about those points when I write further on this. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Wow. I can’t imagine this. I by no means intend to offend, but I’m American (don’t hate me :)) and I would never let someone choose my spouse. I used to work with a couple of really sweet Indian women and one day they explained to me all the reasons they believed arranged marriages are better than not arranged. It was a fascinating conversation. They listed everything from knowing the family you’re marrying into to not having to make such a huge decision at such a young age. Still I could never imagine.

    Furthermore, I don’t know how you meant the end of your post but were you saying your husband would get upset with you for reading, writing, and staying up late?

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I look forward to reading more!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Misfit, my dear (that’s the name I could call),
      I would never hate someone for being from a particular region/religion/caste/Creed/color/belief. I was confused why you’d have to say that. Being prejudiced against someone isn’t what we are taught. 🙂
      Those are really few of the reasons why arrange marriage is a boon. Being born and brought up here in India and being a practicing Muslim, I am fine with the concept of it. But I feel bad when people misuse that thing. We are allowed to know that person, with family around. I think I could write up on this in detail as a blog someday!
      Yes dear, at the end, I literally meant that. He really feels I am stressing myself if I spend time reading or writing. Quite a caring guy 😂😂 !!

      Like

      1. Haha well hopefully he lets you do it on the days where you’re taking part for enjoyment!

        I’m learning through talking to people from many places that most aren’t a fan of Americans because we’re undereducated and overly confident, forcing our views on others. Granted I’m not one of those assholes shoving my opinions down everyone’s throats but I’m glad you weren’t raised like that as much as I wasn’t 🙂 thank you for sharing your experience.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes he better else I will drive him mad with my questions! I love nagging him! 😉
        I haven’t had such an experience, so I wouldn’t prefer to talk or give any view on those terms.
        Many people are there, around the world, behaving like real snobs, so you can’t expect all to be same.
        It’s always a nice thing to know about each other. Glad to connect to you!! Stay happy and blessed!!

        Liked by 1 person

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