The look in the mirror

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Lana looked into the mirror and wondered what the people saw in that face. She had a pair of blue eyes, set just where everyone’s eyes were. She had a sharp, pointed nose, with a little scar on it. The memory of her first football match as a member of the school football team. She had high cheekbones, the only feature she inherited from her mother.

Her hazel brown hair, were fixed onto rollers. She needed big curls, to get that perfect look, she was informed by the make up artist. Her lean body was a boon for the work she did. She wasn’t blessed. It was a lot of hard work that went in maintaining it. She had to let go of all the things she wanted to eat. She had to follow a strict diet plan, which allowed her no slice of cake, or a bar of chocolate, or a can of Pepsi. She could have a Diet Coke, her dietician said. But she hated that strange, quirky taste it left in her mouth. But she couldn’t go against their advice.

Mother was always after them, it was she who made life always a miserable state for Lana. When Lana was a young girl, she was too busy in her own modeling career. There were days and weeks, that passed before she got a chance to see her in person. She was there to be seen everywhere. There were hoardings and posters, commercials and fashion shows, where she could be seen, but she was never there at the place Lana wanted to see her, and that was Home.

Lana had always thought, she would never become a model or an actress. She just didn’t want to be so occupied that she wouldn’t be able to see the pain in her family’s eyes. She didn’t want to be so busy, that there was no time for the people who loved her. Lana didn’t want to become a woman like her mother. She wanted a simple life and a simple living.

But then when did things happen as per her wishes.

If that was to happen, she wouldn’t have had slept alone at nights. If that was to happen, she wouldn’t have had to spend time reading about periods. She wouldn’t have had worried about death when they first began. She wouldn’t have cried in those times of loneliness. She wouldn’t have missed the one person she loved, her mother.

And that was what she didn’t want to become. She didn’t want to become a mother to a child, who would live in the arms of a nanny. She didn’t want to become one who treated her child as though it was her fault to have chosen her as their mother. She wanted to give love and be loved back. She wanted to look at the child she would have and feel love for the man who’d be his father. She wanted to feel protected by strong arms, she wanted to feel weak and strong holding onto her lover’s chest. She wanted to touch the tiny fingers and hold the hand as it grew. She wanted to be what her mother had never become!

And so she knew that one day, she would have to take that step and part ways with her mother.

S.F.R.

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